Meh, Why Not...

Firsts
First car: does my parent's minivan count?
First screen name: ben fongtorres
First funeral: distant great aunt in detroit in what will be effectively, and rather callously on my part, be known as the great trip to detroit and back in one day from hell
First pet: a few fish and a snail, the only things i wasn't allergic to. they didn't last all that long First piercing: nadda
First credit card: also nadda
First music you remember hearing in your house: something on saturday night oldies on chfi, i'm sure
Lasts
Last car ride: my dad drivig me to the subway after work today
Last alcoholic beverage: friday night, beer of some sort
Last good cry: dunno
Last true cry: also dunno
Last library book checked out: my politics book, for this paper I'm supposed to be writing right now...i took it out from york like a month and a half ago..it's far overdue
Last movie seen: Team America: World Police
Last phone call: someone from work asking me to take a shift
Last time showered: 9ish this morning
Last cd played: Jay Z's "The BlackAlbum"...yep, that's right
Last item bought: submarine sandwich for lunch
Last disappointment: erm, a lot of things
Last time wanting to die: this morning, and right now, coincidentally
Last shirt worn: my ben folds t-shirt, rock that bitch, yes.
Last website visited: aintitcool.com
Last word/sentence you said: "later"
Last song you sang: "Section 12: Hold Me Now" by the Polyphonic Spress (to myself, of course)
What's:
What is in your cd player?: Coheed and Cambria "In Keeping Secrets of Silent Earth: 3"
What color socks are you wearing?: i'm barefoot
What Color underwear are you wearing?: uhm, plaid? that's a colour
What's under your bed?: skeletons. and dust.
What time did you wake up today?: 8:45
Currents:
Current mood: frustrated/neurotic/iffy
Current music: BTVS "Once More With Feeling" soundtrack
Current taste: bitter
Current hair: receeding and messy
Current clothes: t-shirt, khaki shorts
Current desktop picture: "six feet under" season 4 promo photo
Current book(s): "The Missing News" by Robert A. Hackett and "Sammy's Hill" by Kristen Gore
Current hate: the upcoming week, and the week after that...

"A Long Day Continues...We Sound Amazed"

It's sad, but i realized late tonight that i don't think i've slept more than 7 hours (tops) in more than a month or so. I tend to have the really terrible habit of going to sleep no earlier than 1:30 or so, and always waking up early. My weekends are gone thanks to working 9:30 downtown on saturday, and having to be up in thornhill for 11 on Sundays, meaning a 9:30 or so wakeup, at the latest, down here. So, my wednesdays have become my defacto weekend, since i'm off the whole day and i don't start class until 2 on thursdays. Still, I always find myself waking up early both wed and thurs for various reasons, always busy. I know this sounds like a complaint, but it's really not. I like being busy, I love it, really.

There was about half an afternoon on Monday that I found myself with nothing incredibly urgent to do (well, alright, there was the politics paper hanging over my head..and, uhm, which continues to hang as i write...fcuk i'm screwed for that, and don't get me started on sociology, but i think we're all in the same boat for that, most of us), and i just didn't know what to do with myself. I was restless, bored, fidgety, agitated, annoyed, etc. I couldn't stay still, tried fooling around on the internet, went for a walk, watched some tv, ate what i could find (reminder: need more lime-tinged tostitos), but couldn't sit down and bring myself to do anything productive or just sit in one place for very long at all. I like being busy, dammit, as much as it drains me, I like it. But, still, I'm seriously drained. Running on empty, really. I could use just two days of nothing, that would be good.

I found myself doing random streeters yesterday (thurs), going around campus an hour or so before my 2 class. I got a few, could've gotten more, but I decided to just sit down in the quad for a while. It felt really good. I hadn't just SAT and watched things for a while. I didn't want to leave. I had my notepad in my hand, I had the Stone Diaries in my bag, I could've read it, sketched out a rough story structure, anything, really. Instead, I just sat there, staring at the leaves, the two lovers sitting on a bench a few down from me, taking drags off thier shared cigarette. I saw the three people tossing a football around the field, always missing. They weren't very good. I saw people, all kinds, students, profs, homeless I'm sure, pass by, in their own paths, not paying attention to me. I started thinking what if I saw someone i knew, what would I tell them I was doing? Probably lie and say I was about to read, thinking of a lead for a story, etc, not just watching and resting. Beats me what would actually happen, because it didn't. Although, evidently I looked alone/approachable enough for some Korean christians for cultish society thing to come over and start telling me the miracles of christ and such. I was half-thinking about seeing how much fun I could have with this, but really I just wanted to be left alone, so I pulled out the good ol' jewish excuse, and that was that. Though, she said jewish people can appreciate Jesus just as much as anyone. Alrighty, but still, not interested. The jewish excuse usually works faster, she was persistent enough. It's sad to use it as an excuse, do i even think i'm jewish anymore? it comes in handy for comedy and food. and, evidently with a bit of prodding, getting rid of crazy cultish people. but, that's a whole other topic i've probably already bored you all with.

So, i continued to sit there. Eventually, I pulled out my copy of the stone diaries, figuring I could only stare into space so long before another cult approached me to join their humble ranks. It's a fascinatingly sad book, years go by without barely a mention, life goes by so quickly. Honestly, just depressed me a bit. Damn good book, but still. So, shut that, and went back to watching the leaves and such. In no time flat it was time for class, and off i went. It's amazing the time, it slips by, it all goes so quickly..i just want to fit as much into it, even if it leaves me drained and slightly academically screwed. If you're still reading, I'm impressed, I may have stopped around the part, oh, who knows, somewhere up there. I'm happy where I am, though, there's a definite feeling of satisfaction i can sense. Sometimes, it's just bring the world on, because what honestly can i not do? Probably a lot, but give me a chance. I'd love the chance. Thanks.

"I went out...I went out to start a fight...with anyone"

Eughg. I've been all over the map the last couple days. Everything just seems to hit me like a ton of bricks, and if it's not one thing, it's another. Large problems go away, leaving smaller problems to fill their voids. I'd like to have just one day, really, where there are no small problems, or i at least don't go around creating ones for myself.

In other news, the Coheed and Cambria show was awesome. I had a very "Almost Famous" moment going there, not being able to find my Sony rep, and then encountering two groupies who wanted to get in. Seriously, these two girls were dressed straight out of the "get me in the VIP section now" store. They were rebuffed, though, and I was allowed access. Very neat. Also cool was getting the free pass later on for the show, which rocked quite hard, I'm happy to report. Such a complex mythology that band has. I'll drop a link to the article I'm writing once it gets online.

I also seem to have the annoying habit of postponing school work to work on extra-ciricular things. This is not good, as I realize I have several essays/tests coming up, and readings are gathering dust. Funny how I moved downtown to maximize my time to work on things, and time is growing less and less. Though, I wouldn't have it any other way.

Don't Ask Me...

Ever just gotten that feeling like things just slip out of your hands some times? I feel that way lately, like things are just passing by, I'm too tired/stressed/frustrated to deal with anything. That's all incredibly vague, but there it is all the same. I need to be constantly busy, I need to be on the go, so I don't let these thoughts creep in like they tend to do, so i don't let little concerns slip through the cracks and eat at me. I also hate posting these types of posts, but here they are. Here it all is.

Things that Frustrate Me

- Constant fucking problems with my computer..every time I turn around there's a new one!!! Dammit, MSN messenger, just work properly and stop taking forever to log on, forever to change status modes, and stop losing messages!!! Fsck!!

- The apartment phone bewilderingly not working, like i need another little technical problem

- School work and its knack of sneaking up on me

- Just little things here and there...everything seems to be frustrating me lately

The Velorium Camper Pt.4

Guess who's going to interview Coheed and Cambria Wednesday???

Have you guessed? I'll give you two guesses, and the second one's wrong. Happy like a Ren and Stimpy ballad, am I. That is all.

It's Like, Christmas Break Soon, Right? Right?? Please?

Whew, nelly. It's looking like my head's going to explode. EXPLODE!! We're talking tiny bits of me all over the place. Gross, I know. Everything must get done...must get done...and yet, time is so limited. Always so limited, it is. And the Yoda speak comes out, and it all goes down to the tubes. Yet, no matter when one problem is solved, another replaces it. I have to do something about that. Even when a small problem i was worried about becomes replaced by a much bigger problem, I think, "ha! that small problem can kiss my ass now". Yet, once the big problem is solved, the small problem comes back into the fold to, well, cause problems. I'd finish, but i'm streeeessssed.

I Was Frustrated, You See...

So, nearly $500 dollars later that I don't have, we're back in business. Well, if the business is headed towards forclosure and everything is still totally fucked, that is. A new hard drive is installed, and I'm currently working on building back my fav. lists on IE, my passwords, my piles and piles of files that I lost. Forever. Hell, I also lost digital photos. Didn't think about that. And music, ohhh, the music lost. I know that can be gotten back, but for some reason i'm really pissed i can't listen to anything right now. Except this "Arcade Fire" cd matt burned, but everything else, lost. Even that "Buffy" soundtrack i so loved and will surely be hard to find again. And my "Streets", I miss my "Streets". I don't want to think about it. It will take so fucking long to rebuild, and I have so much to do otherwise. So much I shouldn't even be typing this. And letters, and conversation histories, and journal entries, and things I will never see again nor things that saw the light of day of a printer or floppy disk. All gone in this hunk of metal i was given, which will cost $1000 to explore to possibly only conclude: "yeah, it's dead". Thanks, man. Frustrations abound, and i never ever want to step foot in a compusmart, ever again, for the rest of my life, thank you. I need an outlet to scream, because holding it in until an inopportune moment, that's just not the way to go.

FUCK!!!!!!!!!!

I hate computers and especially mine right now. Everything's gone and this is just not ther time i need it to happen at!!! ARJKGDFVMDF.,

If You Imagine Hard Enough, It Almost Smells Like Cinammon

So, to recap. The Franz Ferdinand concert tonight was amazing good fun. Lots of standing on feet and strange smells and mis-heard things, and lots of pushing (lots), plus a bunch of guys who were *this* close to beating the crap out of me in a bizarre case of mistaken identity. The only hard part coming up, though, is the, oh, 12 or so (i counted, and am being generous in excluding readings de rigeur) things I have to have done by mid-week, at the very latest. End of the weekend, really. Fun.